Knowing that you're happy
by pinkpigeontowa
Summary: I-I'm sorry Haru-chan..." "Why? What's happened?" "I said I could live without you... but I can't! I just can't!"


Knowing that you're happy

Momiji's POV

I stumbled down the hallway towards the living room, my head bowed to hide my puffy red eyes. I knew they were in there, I could hear them talking and laughing TOGETHER, but as I entered they fell silent and their eyes landed on me.

"Momiji-kun," Yuki said kindly and I could tell he was smiling, "How are you?"

"I-I am very well thank you Yuki-kun…" I stuttered, trying to make the lie as convincing as possible, "W-would it be ok for me to have a word with Haru-chan?"

"Of course you can, Momiji-kun," Yuki said kindly. I watched through my now long, wild blonde hair as the rat and my ex-lover shared a passionate kiss and Yuki left. Haru slumped back down onto the sofa, staring up at me with those eyes I had drowned in so many times. Though our relationship had ended, Haru had said he still wanted us to be friends. I just couldn't live with that.

"You ok M'iji?" the ox asked, his voice sending shivers down my spine. I took a few minutes to compose myself, taking deep breaths and fisting my hands.

"I-I'm sorry Haru-chan…" I stuttered all my nerves and emotions building back up again.

"Why?" my childhood friend asked, getting up and taking a step towards me. I backed away, not wanting him to see what I had become. His voice was full of concern," What's happened?"

I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. "I-I lied to you Haru-chan… I said I could live without you… but I can't! I just can't!!" After that, I ran

* * * * *

Yuki's POV

I stood outside the door listening to Momiji's confession. The rabbit had changed a lot since their break up. He was no longer his bubbly, hyper, happy self. His hair was longer and a dirty blonde, not the golden colour it once was and his eyes were empty and tired. His arms from wrist to elbow are covered with fresh white bandages from where… well; I don't think I really have to explain that. I can tell that they both still love each other, that they are desperate to get back together again. I do love Haru but… nowhere near as much as he loves Momiji, nowhere near as much as they love each other.

I gave a start as the door burst open and the poor rabbit ran out. I call after him but he just keeps going. I peer into the living room to see Haru on the sofa, a mix of shock and confusion on his face, like he didn't know what to do.

"Haru?" I asked the taller boy, making my way towards him. In reply Haru pulled me onto his lap, rested his head against mine.

* * * * *

Momiji's POV

I completely ignored Yuki and just ran. Out of the house, round to the garden where, in a way, this heart ache all started.

* * * * *

"_Haru-chan, how much further is it?"_

"_Nearly there. And keep your eyes closed!"_

_I couldn't help but smile at the sound of my best friend's voice. I trusted him with my life but curiosity was beginning to get the better of me. Before I could think anymore, I felt myself being lowered onto the swing and Haru's hand squeezed my shoulder._

"_Ok, open them."_

_I opened my eyes to see the hills before me, the sun setting between them tinting the sky with reds and oranges. The moon was already out, a creamy white orb against a deep purpley blue. I gasped, transfixed on the scene before me. My best friend's arms wrapped around my shoulders, drawing me closer to his chest and resting his head against mine._

"_I have a confession to make, M'iji," Haru whispered, re-capturing my attention._

"_What is it Haru-chan?"_

"_For a while now I've felt… different," Haru mumbled, trying to find the right words._

"_Are you ill Haru-chan?" I asked, dreading the answer._

"_No, no I'm fine," the ox chuckled in reply and my heart lightened, "I've felt this way for a long time but I didn't say it earlier because I didn't want to ruin our friendship…"_

"_Nothing can do that Haru-chan," I interrupted, squeezing my friends arm._

"_The only reason I'm telling you now is because it's at a point where I can't contain it."_

_Now I was worried. "H-Haru-chan?" I asked in a shaky whisper._

"_M'iji, I'm in love with you," Haru sobbed and I felt a tear land in my hair. For a long time I just sat there, taking everything in. then I stood and turned to face my best friends. Haru backed away, colliding with the tree trunk and stopping, looking as if I was going to hurt him. I continued towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck, standing on tiptoed so I could look into his eyes. Haru gingerly placed his hands on my sides, not sure if he should. _

"_Haru-chan, you should have told me about this earlier," I assured him, burying my face in his shoulder._

"_Y-you're not angry or disgusted?" the ox replied, his voice still broken. I smiled slightly and leant back so that I could look back into Haru's face._

"_Why would I be angry about something I've been longing to happen for as long as I can remember?"_

_Haru's eyes widened and a shaky smile formed on his face. "R-Really?" I nodded my head before being pulled into a tight, passionate hug by the one I truly adored. "I love you M'iji," Haru murmured, kissing the top of my head._

"_I love you too Haru-chan."_

* * * * *

And I still do. We've broken up but I still love him.

Somehow I've managed to get up to my room, the room we used to share. I've pulled a bog out from under the double bed he used to hold me in and it's half full when I stop. What good will running away do? I'll still have to live with the knowledge that Haru's no longer mind. I need a more permanent solution. I glanced from the bathroom to the closed bedroom door and back again. Slowly and quietly I walked to the bathroom and start looking for the razor blades.

* * * * *

Shigure's POV

I knew something was wrong as I passed Momiji's room and heard sobbing.

"Not again," I muttered to myself, pushing the door open and finding it empty. I had been expecting this and made towards the bathroom where the sobs grew louder. I knocked quietly on the door, knowing it would be locked, and the crying stopped completely.

"M'iji?" I asked softly but got no reply. "M'iji I know you're in there and I know what you're doing. Just stop it ok? Put the razor down, come out and we can…"

I was interrupted by a deafening scream and the crying started up again, louder than ever. I was panicking now. I knew there was only one person who could make the rabbit stop. Reluctantly, I left the room, flew down the stairs and into the living room where Haru was alone.

* * * * *

Haru's POV

I sat in silence thinking about what Yuki had said. My now ex-lover had finally made me see sense, see that I was and forever will be in love with M'iji. But after all the pain I had put him been through in the last few months, would he still want me?

I was pondering this thought when Shigure came skidding into the living room in a state of utter panic. When he saw me the dog rushed over, grasped both my hands and hauled me to my feet.

"Wow, Gure what's the matter?" I asked, steadying myself and pulling my hands out of the dog's grip.

"M'iji," Shigure gasped and my heart froze, my eyes snapping to his face. "He's locked himself in the bathroom again and is…" the dog gave a shuddering sigh, "He's trying to kill himself."

* * * * *

Momiji's POV

I looked down at the mess of blood and scars that now soaked and covered my arms. The floor around me was a pool of blood and I was feeling very dizzy. Tears poured down from my eyes, making the scene before me look even more fuzzy/ I was sobbing, not because of the pain but because it hadn't worked. I was still here, I was still alive and I didn't have the energy to cut myself anymore. The razor lay by my side and I just sat there, hoping to bleed to death soon.

I jumped as someone started banging frantically on the door and I paled at the voice I heard.

"M'IJI!" I was Haru. "M'iji please open the door!" there was silence for a few seconds broken only by my continual sobs and Haru's deep breathing. Then he said, in a calmer, pleading voice; "At least let me know you're ok."

"Leave me alone," I whimpered. The floor boards outside creaked as Haru sat down against the door. He sighed.

"I'm never going to leave you again M'iji. Me and Yuki broke up. He made me see sense, see that I wasn't in love with him and never would be. There is only one person I could ever truly love and I've been an idiot for not seeing that. I love you M'iji, please open the door."

My tears had changed from those of sorrow to joy. I just managed to build up the strength to reach up and unlock the door. N sooner had I done so, the door burst open and Haru was there, staring down at me with eyes full of worry and relief. His eyes travelled to my wrists and he turned, screaming for Hatori before dropping to his knees next to me, not caring about the blood.

"D-d you really mean that Haru-chan?" I whispered, hardly daring to believe it. Haru nodded his head before enveloping me in his arms, embracing me tightly.

"I meant every word of it M'iji. I'm sorry for hurting you."

I gripped tightly onto Haru's shirt as he lifted me up and carried me over to the sink. He held me tightly as he washed the blood off of my wrists. Soon after, Hatori came stumbling into the bathroom, carrying masses of blankets and antiseptic cream. As the dragon cleaned and bandaged my wounds, Haru was still holding me, his arms tightly around my middle, his head resting on my shoulder.

* * * * *

Haru's POV

"Little child, be not afraid  
The rain pounds harsh against the glass  
Like an unwanted stranger  
There is no danger  
I am here tonight,"

I held M'iji tightly in our bed, rocking him softly as I sang the lullaby that always sent him to sleep during the storms. M'iji gripped my shoulders tightly as my arms around his waist. His wrists were covered in fresh bandages under the long sleeved pyjama shirt he was wearing.

"Little child  
Be not afraid  
Though thunder explodes  
And lightning flash  
Illuminates your tearstained face  
I am here tonight"

My mind wandered to Yuki and I smiled. The rat and cat had been found earlier that night, wrapped up together under a blanket. Who would have thought?

"And someday you'll know  
That nature is so  
This same rain that draws you near me  
Falls on rivers and land  
And forests and sand  
Makes the beautiful world that you see  
In the morning"

Momiji shuddered as the thunder roared louder than ever and the lightning flashed outside the window. I tightened my grip on M'iji, guiding his head back to rest against my chest.

"Little child  
Be not afraid  
The storm clouds mask your beloved moon  
And its candlelight beams  
Still keep pleasant dreams  
I am here tonight"

I have no idea how I could have been so stupid, how I couldn't have seen that I was in love with M'iji. Why we had broken up in the beginning I had no idea but I was so glad that we were now back together.

"Little child  
Be not afraid  
The wind makes creatures of our trees  
And the branches to hands  
They're not real, understand  
And I am here tonight"

I drew the cover closer around Momiji as he shivered against me. As I did so he took my hand in his own and held it tightly, entwining our fingers.

"And someday you'll know  
That nature is so  
This same rain that draws you near me  
Falls on rivers and land  
And forest and sand  
Makes the beautiful world that you see  
In the morning"

Momiji's grip loosened on me, both on my hand and back and I was sure he was asleep. Still I continued to rock him, to sing to him.

"For you know, once even I  
Was a little child  
And I was afraid  
But a gentle someone always came  
To dry all my tears  
Trade sweet sleep for fears  
And to give a kiss goodnight"

I slowly began to lie down, pulling M'iji with me. I rested him on my chest, his legs between my own. I could no longer rock him but I continued to sing.

"Well, now I am grown  
And these days have shown  
Rain's a part of how life goes  
But it's dark and it's late  
So I'll hold you and wait  
'til your frightened eyes do close"

I looked down to find my lover gazing back up at me, his eyes holding pure love and passion with only a hint of fear that I was determined to get rid of. He began to sing along with me.

"And I hope that you'll know  
That nature is so  
This same rain that draws you near me  
Falls on rivers and land  
And forests and sand  
Makes the beautiful world that you see  
In the morning"

M'iji buried his face in my chest and he stopped singing.

"Everything's fine in the morning"

His grip loosened on me, his breathing deepened and I could tell he was finally falling asleep.

"The rain will be gone in the morning"

I pressed a kiss to Momiji's blonde hair before resting my head against his and closing my eyes.

"But I'll still be here in the morning"

The last line was a promise.

*****

*Huddled in a corner*

I'm so sorry M'iji-kun!!!


End file.
